Stepping back, stepping forward into a new year

A new year begins. Here’s to hoping that all of you who believe that such beginnings matter are finding yourself poised well for the future, happy with whatever you’ve decided to do or not do, or happy that you shall not decide and let yourself go on with the flow. And hoping, too, that what is available to you–time, energy, capabilities, moods, support systems, whatever–is aligned to your choices and directions.

In one sense, an year is just another collection of days, with the first day of the year being notional and conventional. But this convention, a beginning marked by a number, also gives us an opportunity to pause and think before we venture forth. It provides us an occasion to consider options and make choices and decisions which we may or may not implement in the year that follows.

To me, new year resolutions have never been a big deal, because I make resolutions and changes even without the year-beginning marker. But this year I am choosing to be especially soft and gentle with myself, the way I often suggest to other caregivers and ex-caregivers I am staying free of new commitments because I would like to play with the possibility that I can be curious and explore–and resolutions (even a resolution that determines that I must be curious and explore) can be binding.

For the last few years, I’ve been starting the year with a 31-day blogfest (one blog a day all through January), but this year, I am skipping that blogfest to release spaces within me–spaces of time, energy, mindset, emotions. The thing is, for many years now, I have stayed on course for what needed to be done, careful to remain focused, careful to keep contributing in areas that concerned me. I did not make grand plans, but I stuck to my course of doing things I could think of, picking up one thing at a time, completing it, moving on to the next. I did not take time to step back and consolidate to check whether my data and experiences indicated that I should make major changes in my focus areas or my modality while addressing them. I was overwhelmed by my responsibilities and could only think ahead a day or a week at a time.

My situation is different now. I can step back, look, and ponder about the best way forward for me. My wish list is huge and spans multiple areas–areas where I have been active these last few years, areas suspended because of personal constraints, areas I had wanted to explore but could not. There is no way I can do all that. And maybe, when I sit down and ponder about stuff, I’ll find completely different areas that now seem important. Time, energy, abilities, all have their potential and also constraints. And so I shall give myself some slack, some space–between thoughts, between actions–before leaning towards tentative directions and priorities.

That doesn’t mean that everything I do (or don’t do) in these coming days is a whole squishy mess of flux I shall be continuing with activities I am committed to, both on the personal front and in areas related to dementia care. But hey, I may use the rest of my time to indulge myself in luxurious activities or just do nothing or I may use it to ponder or explore…

I think this could be an interesting year ahead. I hope that is true for you, too.

Till the next post, then.

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